We’re bringing sexy back to soulcare with Dr. Emily Morse.
– KEYS SOULCARE
Sex With Emily podcast host Dr. Emily Morse is on a mission to liberate the conversation around sex and pleasure by better connecting us to all things sexual health — and ourselves. From dishing out science-backed, pleasure-oriented advice to getting real about tactics she’s tried and sex ed books we should all make room for on our nightstands, she leaves no stone unturned when it comes to all things intimacy and erotic exploration.
Naturally, we jumped at the chance to chat about sex, soulcare, and rituals that boost confidence and connection, inside and outside of the bedroom.
What’s the key to connecting with what turns us on?
It starts with an inward journey into what really feels good for us. [For example], a mindful masturbation practice. That’s when the lights will go on. You’ll say, “I didn’t know that it felt wonderful when I touched this part of my inner elbow,” and so on.
It’s also about what feels good without anyone else’s input. Lots of times, we are looking outwards for our turn-ons, when mindfully touching your body and figuring out what feels good to you is your best indicator. Think about the last time you had sex and you were really turned on. What was happening before that moment? What was happening 10 minutes before, that morning, or an hour before that moment?
I always say that communication is lubrication. The same goes for being in our bodies and getting into pleasure, whether you’re with a partner or not.
What’s an everyday ritual that honors our sexual sides?
What I do personally is meditate, masturbate, and manifest. As I wake up, I’ve learned to be more patient with myself, whether it’s five minutes, 20 minutes, or one minute. And then I masturbate. I’m not worrying about what’s happening yesterday or what’s happening with the future. I just release those feel-good hormones, and then I’m in a wonderful practice to manifest the day ahead. How do I want this day to look? What do I want to think into being? How do I want to feel? Sometimes I take two minutes. Sometimes, a half-hour…
That’s such a real way to start the day from a point of pleasure!
And why not? If you end your day with it, too, that’s also great! Still, you’ll know you did something nice for yourself, no matter what the day brings.
Let’s talk about more practical pleasure tips. What’s a kitchen ingredient you find to be super sexy?
I think that all foods can be kind of sexy depending on your mindset, but I always think about peaches. If you ever have eaten a peach or watched your partner eat a peach, I mean… It’s super juicy and it’s running down your face. And, you can’t eat them all year round. So when you’re eating a peach, it’s ripe, it’s delicious, and it’s ready to be devoured.
What wellness rituals can support our sexuality?
I think a really important wellness ritual is movement: dance, exercise, and anything that gets your body moving and your blood flowing. A lot of the challenges we face around desire, arousal, orgasm, or even mentally feeling like we want to be sexual is because we’re not moving. For both penis and vulva owners, when we move our bodies — especially with dance — it helps us be in our bodies, move parts that we might not otherwise, and just be more embodied.
What about mental or intellectual rituals?
So many people have negative conditioning and shame around sex. So the opposite [of a positive ritual] might be only consuming porn or only remembering what you were told about sex being wrong or shameful. Rituals to step into are consuming materials that are sex-positive: podcasts, books, or sources of reliable information that are going to fill up your brain with affirming, accurate information around sex. Whereas scrolling Instagram or consuming magazine content or imagery might make you feel dis-connected, sex-positive content can sort of fill you up on things that are healthful.
And what about in our relationships or everyday interactions that honor that side of ourselves more fully?
The practice of slowing down and really taking the time to think about and speak our truth; to learn to trust our intuitions and communicate them clearly and honestly is so important — especially with our loved ones and others around us. Getting rid of people-pleasing [tendencies] is also part of self-care.
They sound like such transferable skills — soulcare and caring for ourselves as sexual beings.
You know, I was originally just thinking about our everyday interactions, but it is true — it’s all transferable. Once we get comfortable being the best advocates for ourselves, it will spill over in every area of our lives, whether in the bedroom or the boardroom.
What’s the most common thing you find yourself saying (or wishing you could say!) to those writing into your site or calling into your show?
The most common thing I think is, “Have you talked to your partner about it?” Because people call me — which I love, because I’m going to help them — and tell me these deep, personal things… but haven’t talked to their partner about it at all. Again, communication is lubrication. If I could buy a billboard everywhere, it would say, “Have you talked about sex today?”
What’s on your sexy soulcare bucket list? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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